Fruit Flies like a Banana

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana, which is exactly why a will is a dead giveaway because if you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. Speaking of which, I wrote a book about poltergeists and it’s flying off the shelves. I wrote another book about time travel because when a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Politics is on everyone’s mind these days. Remember, in a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
My wife complains a lot, but with her marriage she got a new name and a dress when the guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. Honestly, when my friend’s wife saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Since marriage, I’m stuck with a debt and I can’t budge it. You see, a lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine. Lord knows food is expensive these days; a boiled egg is hard to beat. Budgeting is all about how you shop. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
My problem is I have a photographic memory which was never developed. My daddy always said, those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. I needed some acupuncture and found a jab well done. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
So goes a day in the life of a Boyd.